How to become a Hermit...

Last week was my DH's birthday. My twelve year old Aspie said to him, "I hope you got condoms for your birthday." I told him that was not really appropriate to be concerned about and he said, "I don't want any more siblings." So my H says to him, "Too late, your mom is already pregnant again and due in May!" (I'm actually not) and the twelve year old responds with , "God Bleep it! (he actually said bleep) Just in time for school to let out."

Needless to say I had to explain to him YET AGAIN, that my reproductive organs and their activities are none of his business.

I grumble about the kids often enough, especially the oldest because he can be so frustrating. However it isn't always bad. Sometimes it is just... Odd.

Just as we are pulling into the parking lot to the store we pass a small traffic circle with a statue of a man on a horse.

Son: *bursts into hysterical laughter*

Me: What on earth is so funny?

Son: That horse has a weiner!

Me: *sigh* ... Why is that so funny?

Son: I don't know! It just is!

Me: Is it funny that you have one?

Son: No!

Me: *boggle* You know both genders are required for horses and many other creatures to produce offspring, it is only natural. Horses are not sharks, they cannot produce with just a female.

Son: Sharks can have babies with no male?

Me: Yes, it is kind of like cloning, only they go through pregnancy.

Son: What would happen if they made a copy of a copy of a copy?

Me: Just like using a photo copy machine to make a copy of a copy of a copy, it would degrade eventually. Only it is more complicated because genetics are involved.

Son: It is complicated to make a copy if you think about it scientifically. Positrons are sprayed and a beam of light has to hit your picture and be reflected back. And then it has to make your copied image...

Me: ... Yes I can see how that is probably a bit more complicated than I had thought.

Son: Fire is Beautiful... I think that is why I like angry women.

Me: *sigh* You think so?

Son: Yes. Maybe someone can do a study about why guys think girls are so cute when they are mad.

Me: Yes, I suppose that would make a good study... *thinking the old man could take part in that study*

There are days when my children seem to have been given to me for the express purpose of gaining more understanding of Child Free people.

Today is one of those days.

Normally I love my children.  Unconditionally, irrationally, boundlessly I love them.  I know that while they are not Mensa Members they are very intelligent.  I know that while they are not little Adonises and Venus in training, they are beautiful and healthy.  There are no Dalai Lamas or Mother Theresas in my house.  But I love them.

However, there are days when they are so... human, as to be completely disgusting. They smell, they are leaky, they are messy and they take up so much energy that I just want to go back to bed.  I still love them. 

I just do not like them very much today.

What's the best compliment you've received lately?

My son's Psychologist told me that I am an intelligent, funny woman and a wonderful mother.  I had just told her that I had  been feeling very drained and that I was failing at taking care of my family and she reminded me that with two children in diapers, a pre-teen with Asperger's and an injured husband pretty much anyone would be exhausted.

But the truth is, I am a housewife with three kids.  I not have a lot of time for pondering the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything.  I am not even very good at the housewife part.  It seems I am always washing diapers, or changing diapers, or being asked questions such as, "Is cotton edible?" and "Do you think I could be the first person to survive passing through the Event Horizon of a Black Hole?"  This is what happens when you have two children under the age of two and one who will invariably grow up to be a Theoretical Physicist (Not a Rocket Scientist, that would be too simple).

As for the Asperger's, and we have determined that C really must have it... We are coping.  It is a challenge.  Every day we must explain things to him that other people just *know*.  Some days I am so very proud of the fact that he is so intelligent.  C reads Dr. Stephen Hawking for fun.  He finishes 500 page books within a couple of hours, at age eleven.   Some days I would gladly trade for a kid that was just a little bit less smart, but more clever and better at social interaction.  I love my son, make no mistake, but Asperger's Syndrome is both "interesting" and tiring at the same time.

I feel guilty that I had more children before getting custody of C back from the X.  I feel guilty that the X had to end up in Jail before I could get anyone to believe what an abusive prick he was.  While C is in fact an Aspie, a lot of his current issues are actually from that abuse.  I feel that I failed him.  I wonder if the damage will ever be healed.  I often think to myself that there is no way C will ever survive on his own without a house keeper.  I think he will forget to eat and bathe, and possibly stay awake for days.  Then he asks me, "Did you know that a Neutrino is a mini Nuetron?  Its Italian!", and I think, "How can you possibly not understand that you must open your bathroom window when cleaning so that you do not fumigate yourself?"

Some days I want to grab him by the shoulders and just shake him, screaming, "I love you beyond reason, now will you please be normal!"  But he will never be normal, hell it is unreasonable for me to expect it as I am not really normal either.  Then, suddenly, I am ok again and I can go do my laundry... since I am apparently the only person in this house capable of doing so.

If you could pick between the superpowers of flight or invisibility, which would you choose?
Submitted by aynge.

Flight!  Everyone knows that invisibility has that pesky nudity factor.

How are you celebrating St. Patrick's Day?

Today I made some Soda Bread from scratch and not a mix.  It wasn't hard at all, I used a recipe from these lovely people! I had made it before, but I do not do it very often because I am the ONLY ONE in the house that really likes it.  All in all I prefer the brown over white, but I can never find the right flour around here.

My Soda Bread

New Feminism

What do you think?  I had never heard of this before, but as someone that follows biology, cultural interests and genetics for a hobby I have to say that science does seem to be proving more and more that this is fairly sound.  Now growing up with a mom who would dress me in "boy" colors just to have an excuse to get angry at people this was of course hard to swallow.  However, I have noticed on many occasions as I have grown older that this is often the reality.  I do not believe it was droned into my by society, I was more often taught to be the opposite.

Of course with anything there are exceptions.

I went to my six week check up yesterday, and the clinic was busy as usual.  In particular there were a Grandmother, Mother, and two children there in the waiting room.  The waiting room has a little play nook with toys for children, it is an OBGYN office so they do expect children to show up occasionally.  They only ask that you not leave the little darlings unattended.  This implies that they require you to pay attention to and care for your children while they are there.

Some things that do not fall into this category:

When your four year old Granddaughter tells you that she needs to pee, you do not tell her, "Oh we'll only be here for another minute or so."

When it becomes evident that it will in actuality be longer than that, you do not send your Granddaughter and Grandson to go play with the other kids in the play area instead of taking your Granddaughter to go pee.

When it becomes apparent that your Granddaughter or Daughter has wet herself due to your negligence, perhaps you should not exclaim in a shocked tone, " I guess she really did have to pee!"

Additionally, after discovering that she has in fact let loose a river in her little hip hugger jeans (on a four year old, seriously), perhaps you should... I don't know... CLEAN UP THE PISS MESS SHE LEFT ON THE FLOOR IN THE PLAY AREA!

Because in all honesty it is not amusing to the other parents to pick up their children from the floor only to discover that one of them is covered in your child's urine. 

And yes, it was one of my kids that unfortunately crawled through the mess.  They never did clean it up as far as I know, I notified the staff at the desk of what had happened.  I found out that the girl had wet herself before her Mother or Grandmother did.  I asked the little girl, "Did you pee sweety?" and she said no, even though she had obviously.

WTF

What do you think would make your life better?
Submitted by Simon.

If my X were to sign away his parental rights and then disappear and never bother my oldest son again, that would make my whole family's life better.

Right now he is continuing to throw money at the custody arrangement even though our son does not want to see him.  He was abusive, manipulative and selfish.  My oldest boy has a much more stable environment here.  He's healthier.  He's in therapy.  Every single thing that my X failed at we are taking care of.  Our son is thriving with us.  And the X is still fighting it.

If I ever had any doubt that my oldest son's father was purely doing this out of pride and not wanting to be "wrong", I would not have those doubts any longer.